When I was little, my Sunday School teachers sometimes sang this song to us:

Oh be careful little eyes what you see,

Oh be careful little eyes what you see,

For the Father up above is looking down in love,

So be careful little eyes what you see.

At that time it was just a song to me. Today I was thinking about it again, though. Whoever wrote that had a deeper message written in those lines than we might think. In today’s culture we can’t hardly look anywhere without our eyes being accosted by images that are often impure. Commercials, adds and billboards use models to sell their product. Often these models are not fully clothed or are wearing suggestive clothing. As young people with hormones raging this can easily cause lustful thoughts. And guys, it’s not just you who struggle with this. There are male and female models. We girls can stumble just as easily if we let our eyes wander.

Now there’s a problem. Our flesh, the sinful part of us, wants to look at these images. That’s why the media uses them. They know these images are appealing to our lustful natures. But God’s word is in direct contradiction with our flesh. Jesus told his disciples, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:28 – NIV) And earlier in the Bible the Lord commanded, ” You shall not commit adultery.” (Exodus 20:14 – NIV) Adultery is a severe offense before God and even looking at another person’s body with impure thoughts is seen as adultery.

So what can we do? How can we stay pure? It’s obvious we can’t live in a box our whole lives. If we did that yes, we’d avoid seeing any impure images but we’d also lose the opportunity to witness and do good. No, we have to cope with the evils of this world because for now this is where we are living. I’d like to challenge my fellow teens (and I’m going to do this as well, starting now) to turn their eyes away as soon as they see an impure image and to not dwell on any image that causes lustful thoughts.

Now, as I say this let me also say purity is a matter of the heart. We can make all the rules we want – do this, don’t do this – but in the end, the only way we can truly keep ourselves pure is by determining to  glorify the Lord in our hearts. When you see an impure image and turn away don’t do it because you don’t want to break a rule. Do it because you want to honor God and keep His commandments. Our love for God should cause us to strive for purity. And when it’s time for us to be married to the special one God has chosen, we will be able to give ourselves to that person with the knowledge that our heart is pure and undefiled.

To end this post let me leave you with a verse:

Philippians 4:8 (NIV) — Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.

Ever heard the saying, “Monkey see, monkey do” ? That’s a good definition of our generation in regards to the media. We’re constantly fed the idea that looks are everything. Think of all the money teens alone spend on clothes, make-up and hair care items. Think of all the clothing companies that target teens. Not only are we told looks are everything we’re told that unless you’re ‘noticed’ by people of the opposite sex you don’t have good enough looks. Movies, radio, billboards, magazines all tell us having a boyfriend or girlfriend is necessary to keeping a popular status. They tell us it’s just a fun game and that ‘everybody’s doing it’. For those with pricking consciences they say, how will you know what kind of husband or wife you want if you don’t ’shop around’? One underlying tone I’ve noticed is the media telling us not having premarital sex is somehow immature.

What’s going on here? We’re being told to go with the flow and forget all our ‘religious principles’ during our teen years. We’re told, “There’ll be enough time to start living righteously once we’re older, right? So let’s have fun now!” But that’s not what God says. Paul, an apostle and leader of the early church, wrote a letter to Timothy, the young man he mentored. In that letter Paul says, ” Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Tim. 2:22 – NIV) Paul also told Timothy, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” (1 Tim. 4:12 – NIV – emphasis added)  Even now as young people we should be living our lives in such a way as to glorify God.

The world tells us we have to look, act and talk a certain way to be ‘cool’ or popular. But what if what the world tells us to do doesn’t match up with what the Lord tells us in the Bible? The world says to dress a certain way and to show off your body to gain attention. Let’s see what the Lord says. In 1 Timothy 2:9 (NIV) it says, “in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls of costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” And this doesn’t just apply to women. Guys the way you dress can be immodest too. Now when the world says to act a certain way, does the Lord approve? Matthew 5:16 (NIV) says, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” The actions the world tells us are ‘cool’ often do not glorify God. And what about the way we talk? The world is trying to tell us how to talk too. Speech is important. It’s a tool. We can use it for good or evil. God tells us in Titus 2:7-8 (NIV – emphasis added)  ” in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.”

Let’s stop listening to what the world says and start obeying the Lord. His way is always best. We must keep ourselves pure, not only for our future spouses, but so that we can be presented pure and holy to Christ. The Bible often uses the analogy of the Church as a bride and Christ as the bridegroom. A bride should be pure, we want to be pure for Christ.

One of the most important things you can do right now to prepare for marriage, is pray for your future spouse. Once you are married you will want to spend time praying together and this helps you to get in the habit of praying for your marriage. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to pray, especially since you probably don’t know the person yet. Here are a few suggestions.

* Pray that your future spouse is drawn closer to the Lord. In marriage, God needs to come first, otherwise it will crumble.

*Purity is hard, so pray that the Lord gives your future spouse strength to stay pure for you.

*Ask the Lord to prepare both of you for each other. There is so much that goes into marriage and each of you will have to adjust and give of yourselves to make it work. That can only be done through Christ’s power.

*A husband and wife need to have the same calling from God. Pray that He guides your future spouse and show him/her His plans for their life.

Of course there are many things you can pray for, this is just a start. I think you will find, though, that it is easier to keep yourself pure when you pray for your future spouse every day. It will remind you that the Lord has someone special picked out for you. Prayer is powerful. God hears you. Take time each day to pray for the husband or wife the Lord has chosen for you.

Barlow Girls’ stand for purity

Girls, this post is mostly directed to you but I hope the guys pay attention as well. Maybe you’ve heard of Barlow Girls, maybe not. They’re three sisters using their musical talents for the Lord. I found this video about their stance on purity and wanted to share it.

Yes, it’s hard to stay pure, but the Lord has called us to live for Him not the world. These girls are a great example of young people who are keeping themselves pure for their future spouses. I hope you are encouraged as you watch this.

* Note: The last half focuses on purity, so just be patient and watch the whole thing. The whole message is great.

Sometimes it hard to stay pure. It’s nice to have a reminder of why we’re doing it. To keep focused on staying pure for your future spouse, why not start a journal of love letters for them. Even now, while you’re a teen you can write to your future husband or wife. Someday, you’ll be able to present it to them. Then they can know you were thinking and praying for them even before you met.

Now, it’s easy to start fantasizing. Don’t try to paint a picture of them in your mind. If they don’t match up to your picture when you meet them in real life, you may be disappointed. And keep your letters pure. Write love letters remembering that the Lord is reading them all. These are letters thinking about your future together. It’s to help you when staying pure seems so hard. They are to remind you that God has a special person picked out just for you.

Our culture is all about ‘falling in love’. From movies, books and other media we get the idea that love alone will keep us going. In a marriage, it won’t work that way, though. The emotions and feelings that make up our culture’s definition of love just aren’t enough to keep a marriage strong.

In So you’re Getting Married H. Norman Wright points out that most couples start their marriage with Eros love very strong. Eros love is sensual and physical. Usually desires and fancies take over when Eros love is strong. But marriage not only needs this Eros love, it also needs Philia love (a friendship love) and Agape love (unconditional love).

Philia love is important because it’s how two people work together as a team. Agape love is the most important, though. Even when you’re spouse is unlovable you must give him/her Agape love. We have a wonderful example of Agape love in Christ. The Bible often uses an allegory where Christ is like the groom and the Church is like the bride. Even when the bride (the church) is unfaithful, the groom (Christ) loves us with Agape love.

This might sound irrelevant to you if you’re a teen with no marriage in sight, but I encourage you to start thinking about what kind of love you’re going to bring to your marriage. Even though all three kinds of love are necessary for a good marriage you have to be careful not to let one (especially Eros love) take center stage. Are you going to give your spouse Eros love? Are you going to work at applying Philia love and work together? Are you going to love your spouse with unconditional Agape love even when it’s difficult? These are questions you must answer before you ever consider marriage.

One thing that makes me mad is when a guy pays attention to me and he doesn’t even know me. At first it was nice, because it meant somebody thinks I’m outwardly attractive but once I started to think about it, I realized it wasn’t so nice. It meant he was only interested in how I looked. Guys like that don’t care a thing about who I really am. They’re not interested in my inner beauty.

The reason this makes me mad, it that when guys do this they’re treating the girl as a trophy. Not as a human being who has talents, character, and opinions. But of course they’re just learning it from the media they are assailed with every day. Our culture is all about the cult of youth and beauty. Young people are taught to “find a good catch” which is defined by the world as someone good-looking, popular, someone who will fulfill your needs and someone who will improve your standing among peers.

Girls, do you really want to be treated as a trophy? Do you want your outward beauty to be the only reason a guy is interested in you? If you only attract guys because of your beauty (or the way you flirt) you will be very disappointed in life. If you get married, chances are you will not have a strong marriage because your spouse will have married you for the wrong reasons. And remember, beauty and youth don’t last forever. What will you do when you are older and none of your outward beauty is left?

Guys, do you really want a girl only because of her outward beauty? Look deeper. Find a girl with inner beauty. One who loves the Lord with her whole heart. If you marry only for the girl’s looks, the chances are very much against a happy marriage for you. You have to remember that beauty and youth won’t last. Will you still love the girl when she has gray hair and wrinkles? You can’t be in the love the outward appearance. You have to love the inner person.

Of course this can work both ways. Sometimes it’s the girl who is interested in a guy for his outward appearance. But the same principles apply. Outward looks and youth won’t last. You can’t be attracted to a person for only those qualities. Don’t fall prey to the cult of youth and beauty.

“For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord loos at the heart.” I Samuel 16: 7b

Some of you may be wondering, “How can that be? She’s only 16! And I didn’t even think she had a boyfriend!” You’re right. I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a fiance. Let me explain. I have an arranged marriage. Yep. My Father picked out the man I’m going to marry. I don’t know who he is yet, but I have complete faith in my Father. Maybe I see my fiance every week and just don’t know it. Maybe he lives on the other side of the world. But my Father knows him and that’s enough for me. When the time comes my Father will let me know who my fiancee is. I’ll wait for him. I’ve decided to start praying for him every day. Realizing that I’m engaged has made me realized a few other things. How would my fiance feel if I flirted with other guys? How would my fiancee feel about the way I dress? Am I saving myself completely for him? How would my fiancee feel about the way I interact with other guys? You might say that sounds possessive but I beg to differ. It’s protective. My future husband wants me to save myself completely for him. I want him to be saving himself completely for me. In every aspect.

My heavenly Father, who is your heavenly Father too, also has a fiancee picked out for you. One day you will meet him or her. Will you be able to tell them you have kept yourself pure and completely for them?

Of all the games young people can play, the dating game is the most dangerous. Yes, everything around us says that if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend you are either uncool, ugly or immature. But what you’re not told is that the dating game is just training for divorce and marital problems. Think about, in the dating game you ‘go with’ someone for a while then break up. You don’t want to be alone for too long so you start ‘going with’ someone else who you eventually break up with because person number three seems the better pick. But you break up with number three because they’re not what you thought so you look for another person to go with. This cycle goes on and on.

Now, let’s face it, most of us teens aren’t all that great at looking beyond the here-and-now and thinking about the consequences. That’s obviously not a good thing in the long run. So, let’s think about the consequences of the dating game. Let’s say you finally find “the one”. That “special someone” who you want to marry. You have the wedding and things go great for the first few weeks, maybe even months. Then struggles and conflict come up. You’ve been trained by the dating game to break up if this happens and look elsewhere. Even if you don’t, it’s still going to make it extra hard on you because of your training in the dating game.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not saying all dating is wrong. Whether you call it dating or courting, you’re going to have to do it to get married. That doesn’t mean, though, that it should be a game to you. Dating is serious. You’re playacting marriage – how a guy and a girl (or man and woman) relate, work through problems, etc. But that should be saved for marriage. Teens don’t need that responsibility yet.

This is the first of many posts I hope to write on this topic so if this isn’t all that clear I hope my point will be made as I write more. For now, let me encourage you to really think about what the dating game is teaching you. Will it help your marriage or harm it?

I remember the day I came downstairs and told Dad I wanted to talk to him about…boys. Suddenly boys had become interesting. I noticed them. For a girl who had always thought dating and anything connected with it was somehow sinful, this was a little disturbing. Even more disturbing was the fact that boys were interested in me…and I kinda liked it. Was this normal? Was I somehow being sinful because I had these feelings. Dad reassured me that this was very normal for people my age.

Guys and girls should be attracted to each other. That’s normal. In fact, it’s the way God made us. But with that said, we need to save ourselves for that ’special person’. If we save all these feelings and desires for marriage, we will experience them way more wonderfully than if we ‘experiment’ with them before hand. That’s the message of Committed2Purity.