Courage and Encouragement
19 Aug 2010 2 Comments
“[Conan] had two contending feelings. One was of haste… And his other feeling took its rise in [his] hand which, behind him, clasped the hand of Anne. In that darkness, though he was the leader and she the led, he was a little afraid to go on, yet she gave him courage. He knew that darkness, yet felt a dread of it; while she, though she now knew it [for the first time], had no fear, but trusted entirely to him. Her trust dominated his fear, and he went on boldly.” *
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As I was reading The Red Keep today, this passage really stuck out to me. I actually stopped, read it again and then read it a third time. It’s such a beautiful picture of how a woman’s trust can arouse a man’s courage. I even had to recheck the author to see if it was written from a woman’s perspective or from a man’s. It was a man who had written this.
So often today women complain that men try to subdue them and walk all over them. Women don’t want to be subject to a man in any way. Because of these ideas, we women sometimes feel resentful when a man protects us or shows us little courtesies such as opening the door. We feel somehow like he is patting us on the head and placing himself in a position above us. From our perspective we feel that the man thinks he can do just fine without us and that we are merely a prize or trophy to be treated kindly. But if we would humble ourselves to look for one moment from his point of view we might see things in a different light.
As the passage above shows, men actually rely on us as women to stand behind them and encourage them. Without us following their lead they loose their self-respect. Without us allowing them to protect us they loose their courage. Without us allowing them to show us even the smallest courtesies, such as opening the door, they loose their manliness. See, they don’t want to walk all over us. They don’t want us to be subject to them. No, they ask that we follow them. Let them lead. They want us to trust them.
Now, I realize not all men are this way. But real men do not want to place themselves above us. We are equal. Equal but different. I cannot stress this enough. Many women today seem to think that being equal with men means being the same. Here is an earlier post that explains this more in depth.
Ladies, please remember, we actually hold a lot of power over the men in our lives. We have the power to inspire them to greater feats of courage. We also have the power to tear down their self-confidence. Just as it is the man’s job to protect and provide for us, it is our job to encourage and build him up. Remember, he doesn’t want to walk all over you. He’s just doing his best to be a chivalrous knight in an age where chivalry is nearly dead. Respect him for that. Let him know you stand beside him. Let him know you’re cheering him on.
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* Passage taken from The Red Keep by Allen French; Chapter XXIII, pages 305 – 306
** Illustration: Cover illustration by N.C. Wyeth for The Red Keep
Love, Honor and Respect
18 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in Equal but Different, guys and girls, Needs
“But I despise myself for running [away]…. What kind of man – what kind of husband is such a coward? …. Try to understand. I have to learn to be a man, to stand on my own two feet, to face what comes at me…”
“What does all that matter, Ian? As long as we’re together…”
“Maggie…since meeting you, something has risen within me – a pride, a self-respect…I cannot be a coward. I have to face whatever comes squarely – like a man….If my life is to mean anything, if my love for you is to mean anything, then I have to stay until my name is cleared. There is nothing a man has left but his honor.”
“But isn’t our love just as important?”
(excerpt taken from: The Flight from Stonewycke – Chapter Five ~ by Michael Phillips & Judith Pella)
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In my family, blanket statements are practically forbidden. Try to make a comment without pointing out there may be exceptions and you’ll usually get jumped on by all my family. So, I must start this post with a disclaimer. Not everything I say in here applies to everyone. There may be (and probably are) exceptions to what I’m going to say about guys and girls. Okay, now, hopefully, I’m safe.
The excerpt above is from a book I’m currently reading. When I came across this passage I was struck with how different Maggie and Ian’s viewpoints are. Ian’s priority is honor and respect. While he loves his wife, Maggie, very much, his honor is very important to him. Maggie, on the other hand prizes love first and foremost.
Sometimes its hard for men to understand why women place such an emphasis on love. And sometimes it’s hard for women to understand why respect and honor are such big issues for men. Well, God created us different to help balance each other out, but we need to be cognizant of each others priorities and how we’re hooked up.
Even though my brother is a bit younger than I am, we’re practically twins. We’re very close, but very different. I’m someone who loves to touch, hold hands, hug. It makes me so happy when my brother throws his arm around me. I also love to hear “I love you” or “You’re special”. Whenever he says anything like that to me, I’m thrilled. My brother has different needs. While I enjoy the things I mentioned above, he enjoys being respected. As we’ve grown older, he’s actually taken more of the position of leader for myself and our two younger siblings. What makes him happy is when I express my appreciation for him or when I complement him on a job well done. He likes to be viewed as the leader.
When you interact with anyone of the opposite gender – siblings, parents, girl/boyfriend, spouse – remember that they are different than you. If you’re a girl, try and show respect to guys. They will appreciate it so much. It doesn’t mean that you let them walk all over you, but make sure you let them know that you respect them and that you admire them. Guys, try and show love to the ladies. I’m not talking about sexual love or the ‘mushy’ love that the world is always focused on. We ladies thrive when we have affirmation that we’re loved. A hug, a kind word, a little gift or thoughtful gesture. We love to know we are treasured.
A phrase I heard at the Love and Respect conference says about men and women – “not wrong, just different.” The needs guys have are not wrong, they’re just different from women’s needs. The needs women have are not wrong, they’re just different from men’s needs. Let’s help meet those needs. Girls, let the guys in your life know that you admire them. Guys, let the girls in your life know that you treasure them.
nataliecorder
