Teen Parents
24 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
in guys and girls, Parents, Purity, sex
Whenever I go to the library I like to scan the shelves for books that catch my eye. A while ago I found a book that really grabbed my attention. It was long enough ago that I can’t remember the name or author but it was a book for teen guys. It gave them advice and tips on how to be good dads. The book covered topics like how to change a diaper and how to feed the baby a bottle. How to build a relationship with the baby. How to keep in touch with the baby and it’s mother even if you’re not living together. How to be a father even if you never had one.
I almost started crying right there in the library. Not only are young teens having sex, they are having babies and have no idea how to be parents. These kids often don’t have role models themselves. Their parents either aren’t involved or aren’t even in the picture. How are these teens supposed to be good parents? They didn’t have good parents, chances are they won’t be good parents and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce that the baby will follow suit. In just a few short years there’s suddenly a generation of young people without parental guidance or love who are trying their best to make sense of the world. Who’s telling them what’s right and wrong? Who are they listening to?
When a guy and girl have a baby (and that’s considering the girl doesn’t get an abortion) what’s keeping the guy around? Hopefully, he’d do the honorable thing and marry the girl but there’s no promises. There’s no commitment. And because they aren’t married when they find out the girl’s pregnant, she is not really under any obligation to ask the guy’s opinion. Should she get an abortion? Should she put the baby up for adoption? Should she keep it? That decision ends up being hers. Neither one of the parents is committed to each other.
There has to be commitment. I cannot stress this enough. Just being in love is not commitment. Being in love does not last. Commitment lasts. When two people live together without being married, what’s keeping the one from walking out on the other? Nothing. What says either has to take responsibility for their child? Nothing. What keeps them loving each other? Nothing. Being in love does not make a couple committed. Being committed makes a couple in love (true love). Marriage is commitment. Marriage is promising to be true to the other person.
The world tries to tell us that we can have love and even a family without ‘binding’ ourselves to the other person. The world wants us to believe that it is safer to ‘leave an escape’ if that’s necessary. But those are lies. When we try to have sex outside of marriage we only get pain and regret. Not only to we hurt ourselves, we hurt others. Often, the children born outside of marriage are the ones who suffer. They don’t have the guidance and direction they need because their parents are often only children themselves. Teens don’t need to being having sex. They don’t need to have the burden and responsibilities that come with parenthood.
Teens, we need to stop thinking that we can have whatever we want and that there won’t be consequences. We have to be committed. Our society is a mess but we can change that. We can make a difference by deciding to wait for sex until we’re married. By deciding to be godly husbands and wives. By deciding to be godly parents. We can make a difference by being committed to purity.
Kore’s Question
07 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Dating, guys and girls, Parents, Purity
Below is an excerpt from the novel Dolorous. I really like this conversation between a young man and the father of a young woman. It’s a great example of how a young man should proceed when seeking to ‘win the heart’ of that special girl. The book takes place in a medieval setting (which is why there’s all the ‘courtyards’ and ‘lords’ and ‘castles’). I hope you enjoy and learn from this fictional conversation as much as I did.
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Excerpt from Dolorous, Chapter Eleven:
Lord Jalon was walking in the [castle] courtyard one morning when he noticed Kore approaching him.
“Sir,” the young man began a little nervously, “could I speak to you privately about something?”
“Of course,” Lord Jalon said as he led Kore to a small bench in the garden. “Here we will not be disturbed. What is it you want to speak with me about?”
“It’s about Naarah,” Kore said a little uncomfortably.
The older knight found this a rather interesting situation. He knew what Kore was going to say and he thought back on when he had talked to [his wife's] father the same way. Lord Jalon found Kore’s nervousness slightly amusing but when he thought of Naarah, he saw it as a very serious matter. “Well, lad,” he said gently, “don’t be afraid to talk to me, I will hear you out.”
“Well, sir, I’ve been watching your daughter ever since I met her and she is so pure and lovely in spirit. I’ve never known another girl like her,” as he continued talking, Kore became more passionate and began to forget his nervousness. “At first I was impressed by her gentleness and sweetness but as I watched her more closely I saw there was more to her than only what could be seen on the outside. She prays every morning and evening for strength and purity and asks God for guidance. Sir, your daughter is very special.”
“Yes,” the older man smiled, “but, I already know my daughter, why do you wish to speak with me about her?”
“Lord Jalon,” Kore said, using the knight’s name for the first time, “I wish to ask for your permission to win your daughter’s heart.”
Naarah’s father sat still for several minutes. He had always known that at some time young men would come to him about his daughter. But here was a young man asking for his permission to ‘win his daughter’s heart’.
Kore began to grow nervous again. Had he asked wrong? Was Lord Jalon displeased with him? Had he asked too soon? Before his fears could grow anymore the older knight spoke.
“Do you understand what you are asking?”
Kore swallowed hard. Why did he have a lump in his throat? “Yes, Sir, I believe I do.”
“Why did you come to me now when most young men only ask for the father’s permission to marry?”
“Because I want your blessing from the very beginning of our relationship and I want the best for your daughter..” he paused, glancing away and then continued in a whisper, “even if it is not me.”
Parents
04 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
“My son, hear the instruction of your father and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck.” Prov. 1: 8-9 (NIV)
“My son, keep your father’s command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; tie them around your neck.” Prov. 6:20-21 (NIV)
“A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish man despises his mother.” Prov. 15:20 (NIV)
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’” Eph. 6: 1-3 (NIV)
There’s a reason the Bible talks so much about listening to our parents. Of course, none of us have perfect parents but God has given them the job of caring for and guiding us as we grow up and He expects us to respect them. They know a lot more about things than we do. Yeah, I know, teens don’t like to admit that; I’m often guilty of thinking I know better. But let’s face it, they’ve lived on this earth longer than us and even if they can’t text and facebook as fast as we can, they have wisdom. Wisdom is a big topic in the Bible, especially in Proverbs. Without wisdom we will fail. As much as we teens like doing it on our own, we need to realize that we need the voice of wisdom to guide us. God has put our parents in our lives for that very reason.
When it comes to romantic relationships, we need to not shut our parents out. Let them know what’s going on. Talk about your feelings with them. (A quick note: I understand that not everyone has the communication lines open with their parents. Sometimes one or both parents aren’t involved. In that case, let me suggest you find someone older than you who’s a strong Christian to be able to talk to and seek wisdom from.) Your parents went through the same age your at. They experienced romantic relationships. They will be able to relate.
Don’t try and hide your relationships from your parents. Maybe you don’t agree with them on how, when and with who to have a relationship with but instead of shutting them out of that area in your life, talk to them about it. Discuss why they have the standards they do and why you have yours. Your parents might be able to point out some things you haven’t considered. Often they can see things you can’t because you’re emotionally involved and they can help save you a lot of heartache. Just remember, don’t clam up and hide your feelings. You’re parents love you and want to help. They’re not trying to run your life, they’re just trying to make sure they fulfill the duty God has laid upon them; to raise you up to be a child of God, sold out for Him.
Now, after saying all this, I must confess, I’m not always that quick to tell my parents about all my feelings. Sometimes there are misunderstandings between us. Sometimes we disagree. But if we take time to work things out together, things go much smoother. I don’t have the burden of hiding anything from them. My parents are so supportive of me. I know that when I am ready to be in a serious relationship someday that they will help me to stay pure and to follow God’s commandments. It’s so freeing when I can talk to them openly about all these ‘teenage feelings’.
Remember, parents are there to help you. To guide you. To keep you on track. God wants us to respect them and listen to them.
nataliecorder
